Doing this changed my life!!

Have you ever heard this phrase?

What you starve will die and what you feed will live…..

I have actively tried this concept on my self, in my marriage and in teaching my children.

For me it started when I began to pay closer attention to my responses to certain people or situations. When I resolved NOT to give into a learned reaction, I starved the bad habbit. The more I abandoned those tendancies, through starvation, the less likely I was to continue in them. But, if I tried something new and fed it with the motive of producing a positive reaction in others, then I was in essence feeding myself and would eventually bask in the overflow.

With My Children

Being the mother of biological and adopted children with “special needs”, I have to get creative with new ways of discipline. Sometimes one way isn’t enough to get the desired point across to each individual. If I find a method that works, I feed it by continuing to do it. My ultimate goal is to eliminate the bad and absorb the good. For me this meant I was lowering my state of suffering, while getting a reaction I liked in return. It’s a Win-Win situation.

With having a house full of teenagers, this has looked like my learning to listen and seek to understand what is behind their actions/ reactions.

To show them I care about what they are working through internally, instead of reacting outwardly and jumping to conclusions. Ask questions. Don’t judge their answers. Value their thoughts and opinions.

Listening builds bonds and relationships, enabling them to flourish and grow, while Reacting tears down lines of communication and builds walls, which means in the end I loose their heart.

In My Marriage

My husband and I began our 18th year of marriage this last December. We have learned this valuable principal of starving and feeding certain behaviors is what makes our marriage an enjoyable one.

For us, if we neglect service to one another, then our relationship suffers. But, when we are deliberate about actions that display love and honor, being obvious that we prefer the others interests above our own, then we are as happy as a couple in-love can get.

Why? Because we both reap a bountiful closeness that is quite addictive and intoxicating when both of our love tanks are full. It is so good, that neither of us want anything less. This unity that our service to eachother creates, errects a wall of protection that makes it hard for negative to penetrate in. It will certainly try, but we both have decided that the growth and passionate increase that this feeding one another in this way has resulted in, is much better. We feed IT and starve anything else that tries to over ride.

Let me make it a bit more personal for you. My husband is not naturally inclined to speak praise, yet he knows that my spirit needs it. So every night before we put our heads to the pillow, he will voice a Word of Affirmation. He will also speak a word of praise or honor to others about me. My heart is lifted when other’s tell me of his loving expressions of praise to them. He has also remembered the act of being a chivalrous gentleman. He still opens doors, brings home flowers, winks at me, gazes at me, builds beautiful masterpieces of wood work for me…. Treating me like a desired and valued woman.

His needs like most men are respect, touch and quality time. He needs my full attention and our “romantic getaways with no interuptions and NO KIDS. Just me as his “Girl”. He needs me to remain flirtatious over texts and in the bedroom. To engage in efforts to keep myself fit and attractive for his eyes only.

Photo by Pixabay on

He also likes a clean house. Often I am so busy with my job as home school teacher and mother that I cannot always attend to that throughout the day. But I know how much this makes his transition from work to home, so it becomes a proactive attempt to feed our relationship. When I take the 45 minutes before he is home to tighty it up, his arrival home is received with a relaxed, nurtured and well fed spirit. Which I ofcourse also benefit from.

We have both tried to be proactive about asking each other…. ” Is there anything else that I can do for you?” And make sure that is done before the sun sets.

In our attempts to see the need and meet the need, we are constantly aware of the other. This has helped our relationship in tremendous ways.

What about you?

How have you seen this statement at work in your life?

I’d love to hear about it!!

10 thoughts on “Doing this changed my life!!

  1. Tishri your words are encouraging. You have also shown grace and forgiveness.
    You have been a great example of dying to self desires and living for others. Thank you for praising me of the things I do for you. But I have to say, I appreciate the nudge or communication that you have given me in what you need. Sometimes us guys are blind, and need that extra nudge.
    I have realized that time is endless. You might tell a child “one moment” or your wife “I will be right there” but realizing your time might be different then theirs. Then I realized the time we are on, is God’s. He watches us grow and teaches us how to serve others. If we look at life as if we are on God’s time, then our “one moment” changes to “yes” I am here to listen, “yes” what can I do for you, or “yes” I will be here for you.

    We all set those resolutions, however this is not a resolution …..but a time to feed.

    Okay now it’s your turn reader….
    What is your story? Maybe it is simply a word or a story

    Liked by 1 person

  2. PATRICK, as always thank you for the support and your life giving words….. And for being my “number 1 fan” and reading my blogs and posting your comments. ( Even if your the only one…..) My heart and my motivation all belong to you. Well…. you and God. Serving you as unto my Lord, has been a learned process and one I now do with joy and great pleasure, as I now see how to love you the way you want to be loved. I am inspired to do so in a way that honors God. We have had our share of difficulties, but we rose above them. Being wife is my most important job and raising our seed and our extended family through adoption, has shaped me in ways that have hurt at times, but have purified me. They are still making me more and more like Christ as I grow each and every day. I will only reach perfection when I see his beautiful face. Because I am not there yet, I keep pushing ahead.

    I pray others will take your challenge and share their story. I love you…..


  3. As someone who often struggles with focus, I find being intentional is so very powerful no matter what I’m doing. However there are moments when we have to let go of our intentions to really hear what another is saying. God too will often whisper His direction and I have to be listening closely or I will miss it. What I really love about this blog’s message is learning to listen more deeply than judge words or actions might be saying. Often words are only the tip of an iceberg of hurt and disappointment. Really taking time to listen can be the most powerful form of communication there is. And the most loving!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Carol for the response. I agree with you that we need to be more intentional. Sometimes it is easy to allow ourselves to be swept away by emotions when we are hurt or disappointed by someone we love. I see the truth in your words that often what we hear from someone is only the tip of the iceberg. A reality is that often it is hard for some to formulate into words what they are feeling. That’s when we can show love by watching body language and Non-verbal cues. Starving normal reactions and feeding new ones to reap better results.


  4. I am awed by the insights and love you have shared here. The timing of this writing is so affirming, as I am working on these very changes. When rudeness, judgment or criticism is coming my way, I am working on staying loving and understanding. Listening deeply to what one is saying is an art and skill that has to be learned and developed. It is definitely a dieing to oneself and our impulsive desire to defend ourselves. Your explanation and examples are beautiful, full of love, wisdom and selflessness . Thank you for writing this so others can benefit from your eloquent and inspirational writing. God’s blessings to you, fellow sojourners.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Cheryl…..Wow, thank you so much for your post. It brought tears to my eyes. I am honored that you would read it and then give such thoughtful and kind words in return. Your post too was a timely word of affirmation. God bless you. And my prayers are with you as you embark on this journey and may your efforts reap a harvest of beautiful and satisfying relationships in your life!


  5. Hi, Tishri,
    Thank you so much for sending me your blog site. I loved the part that said if I tried something new and fed it with the motive of producing a positive reaction in others then I was in essence feeding myself and would eventually bask in the Overflow.

    This is a very powerful thought and I will need to think about how to apply it.

    I love the Redemptive work the LORD has done in your marriage.

    Hearing this gives one hope that He can do for individuals and couples better than anyone can hope for or imagine.

    Jesus is always better.


    1. Jessica, thanks so much for reading the blog. I am so glad it ignited hope for you. You are so right …. God CAN do more then we can ask for or imagine. All He needs is a yeiled and willing heart! My prayers are with you!


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